Everyone says how hard it is to make a living as a musician. I keep telling myself that it can’t be true and that we just need to catch up with the times - I mean, really, classical music is WAY behind the times in so many ways.
Now, I’ve been in and out of the gigging scene in SLC over the years, and usually not “out” by my own choosing. However, looking back on things, when I was “out” has lined up with the hardest times of my life. In those times it felt like I was being kicked while I was down, but I think it was simply a reflection of my depression. I was holed up inside my home, focused on the wrong things in life, wishing things were different without actually being able to bring myself to do anything about it for various reasons. Life is hard sometimes, and that’s okay.
But now, for the first time in my life, I am committing 100% to being a full-time musician, no matter what it takes. That’s scary.
Why is it scary? Well, it’s scary for a lot of reasons. I have a family to support, I have kids who watch everything I do, I have a husband who has the same goals as me, and I’ve decided that I have to be true to myself. How do I make sure that all works together?
For now, that means being more present online. That in and of itself is scary because I’m such an introvert, and because I do deal with depression and anxiety. There is always that little voice that tells me I’m not good enough, that I need to practice more first, that I need to learn more about recording, or social media marketing, or whatever else it may be that day.
I will never actually “know” enough, and the best knowledge is obtained through practical application. So, this is that. This is me writing. I will put photos up on FB and IG. I will go “live”, I will release imperfect recordings, I will arrange, I will play a variety of genres, I will use new technology, I will perform on all of the instruments I play (at various levels) simply because I want to. And you will get to see all of it if you want to.
So, welcome to my life.